Saturday, December 20th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Toxic Relationship - How Can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship?
You love your partner and you are so dependent on him. Despite your effort to understand your partner's volatile temperament you feel somehow that something is not right with the relationship. You want to know if you are in a toxic relationship.
Here are some of the signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship:
- Your partner berates you even in the company of others
- Your partner says one thing but does another; he/she says he/she loves but at the same time humiliates you
- Your partner does not respect your privacy (goes through your mails) and does not trust you (checks you up all the time)
- Your partner conditions you to believe that you cannot be anything without him/her
- You have changed yourself so much just to please your partner
Ill-intentioned people make you sick just by being near them. It makes you wonder why some individuals would want to have anything to do with them much less have a relationship with them. A toxic relationship follows a phase. First there is the honeymoon stage, then the furious rage. When you first meet this person the first few months would be the honeymoon phase. He/she woos you until you are totally drawn in to this devious relationship and think you will not be able to get out of it.
Generally, individuals who stay in toxic relationships are raised in dysfunctional homes. They duplicate the relationships they had during their childhood thinking that that is the norm and not even realizing that their behaviors are not normal. Some believe they are not worthy to be happy. Some become controlling in their desire to take care of people.
Before an individual can get out of this kind of relationship is, they should know that they have a choice to leave the relationship. Most people who get stuck in this kind of relationship have very low self-worth and believe that they are lucky just to have this relationship or are suffering from severe depression.
Once they acknowledge that they have options, then they would have the basic courage to defend themselves. Generally, in toxic relationships, the bad partner has made the other partner believe that he/she is the culprit in the breakdown of the relationship. If the partner believes this, he/she can be trapped in that sick set-up and no healing process can ever be set.
Some people have found help in therapy groups which can either jolt them out of this insanity and leave the relationship or have the courage to set new terms regarding the relationship. It is a relief that a number of individuals are finally able to change the cycle of this destructive relationship while others have left the relationship and lead renewed lives.
A few others are fortunate enough to heal the relationship and continue with it. In fact, even this kind of relationships can be saved if both partners are willing to change. They might have to undergo counseling or temporary separation. But if there is genuine love between the two of them there is hope that this previously oppressive relationship can be turned into a healthy one.
You have to make a decision if you will opt to try to change the cycle of the relationship or would you leave it. If you decide to stay with the same situation, you will stay oppressed and excessively dependent and will never become a normal individual.
First and foremost, you have to break away from being dependent from your partner which is the central problem of a toxic relationship. If you can do that, then you can begin to declare that you are a partnership, but you are your own person. You do not have to be repetitive but be firm in saying that you need his/her love, support, or honest opinions but not total domination.
If your partner is not willing to give in, then let him/her know that it's either that or you are gone. Since two individuals make up a relationship then the needs of both individuals should be met, this is how a healthy relationship should go. In contrast, toxic relationships are controlled by one while the other meekly follows.
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